Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
