just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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