Just cropdusted the office
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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