well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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