She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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