She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
