Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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