just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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