Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
