I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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