just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Pooping to opera.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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