I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
