Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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