Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
