I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
