you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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