I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
