Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
