I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
