Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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