Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
