Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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