forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
