i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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