Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
