You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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