She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
