there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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