I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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