I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
