Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
