Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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