just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
