I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
