Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
