I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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