I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it because I queefed?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
