During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
