I smell stomach acid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
