Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
