Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
