I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
