I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
