We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to fling myself into the sun
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
