well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
