dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
