I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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