Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
