Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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