i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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