Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
