Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
