Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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