the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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