I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
