yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
