Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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