The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
