I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
