mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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