My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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