the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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