You're completely useless in the revolution.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
