At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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