The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
